Leaning In (When You Make a Huge Change)
The path that your intuition can lead you down will bring you to many surprising places. This path is never straight forward, there are bends and curves along the way. Sometimes you back track to familiar spaces. Sometimes you stay for a while on the path. All of it is okay. It is not the journey that matters, it’s the experiences you enjoy. You are always right where you need to be right now.
I am not where I thought I would be months ago. I remember back in February thinking that by this time I would surely have a successful coaching business. That my car would be paid off and that I would be skinny again.
I had no reason not to believe these things, and while my intuition wasn’t telling me otherwise it seemed like a sure deal. I had the Human Design Podcast, and I loved Human Design, it was practically a sure thing, and likely the answer to all of my problems. Right?
What I didn’t anticipate… couldn’t anticipate was the pivot. The complete 180 degree turn I would take away from all of it. My business was growing, I was getting steady clients and subscribers, people were spreading my name and my podcast everywhere. This was what I wanted and dreamed of right?? RIGHT??
I feel the knot in my throat when I think about it. It wasn’t what I wanted. None of it.
I did a session back in July with Nadia Gabriel, and we programmed some new beliefs, ones that I thought would make me feel more empowered than the limited beliefs I had. They definitely did. One was that it was safe for me to be seen, and this was a huge one for me. It helped me to stop hiding in my relationships with others. I feel more confident in my body, and even though I’m not the perfect size, I was able to confidently wear a bathing suit to the beach this summer. The second belief was that my presence in the world is infinite. I feel so seen and aware of how my energy is effecting my environment now. I don’t really desire spending large amounts of my time on social media any more. My final belief that I changed with Nadia’s help was that it was safe for me to want things. I thought that this meant I would want everything under the sun. I was wrong. I became more sure of the things I did want, and more aware of those things I definitely DID NOT WANT.
This belief set the entire pivot into motion. And once it began I could not deny it. I did not feel that passion and fire for Human Design anymore. I decided I would step back. What did I want?
My heart told me I wanted to focus on intuition. This is what has helped get me through so many dark and confusing moments in my life. Connecting within, heart centered breathing, brought me stability and focus, it gave me clarity once I was ready to hit the ground running. This is what I wanted to bring to my clients. I wanted to help them have the same inner peace that I was receiving by just a voice that came from within me. A voice that was wiser than my own mind.
That was in July. Now in August I sit here wondering what exactly did I just do? I turned away SO MANY clients seeking Human Design coaching, it was embarrassing to admit. Did I just sink my own ship? I knew ultimately it was a huge test, and I know I was holding strong, I was showing the Universe “yes I know this goes against the original momentum and plan but this is what I want now…”
I reminded myself this weekend that the Akashic Record projections I had made at the beginning of the year for August was fitting quite precisely as have every other month’s projections so far. August is a month of reflection. Being extremely authentic to myself, and celebrating all my accomplishments I’ve made so far this year. I can’t say I feel like celebrating. I feel like I’ve failed in many ways. However, I remind myself that most people in history failed at least a few times, and a failure means I had the courage to step out of my comfort zone, and oh boy I definitely did.
I know things will pick back up for me soon. My intuition tells me this. I’ve come to learn to just trust it, to surrender to it, to allow it to guide me even though the path is confusing and makes absolutely no sense. I’ve been strengthening my confidence with speaking to spirit again. On my terms and with better structure and boundaries. I’ve been going into the Akashic Records to help me understand how to help my coaching clients better, and I’ve been speaking to my client’s helping spirits prior to their session to give them messages they need to hear. I have been blown away with the validation and feed back I’ve received by doing this. It’s really clear to me that THIS is what I need to be doing. THIS is my work.
The Akashi MTLOs tell me I am not done with my work in Human Design. I just don’t know what that work looks like right now. They tell me I am here to see everyone as energetic beings, to allow them to be who they came here to be. How it will unfold, is up to my intuition.
I’ve also learned that when your intuition gives you a step to take, only a fool ignores it, or hopes that their intuition will look the other way. You cannot proceed to the next step until you are ready to take that first step, the truth is you may never be ready to take that leap.